I wasn't leaving I was on my way home
A list of good things from April
Here we are again, perched on the budding branch of May and the second attempt at recounting a hero’s journey through the brink of Spring.
For more context on the structure of this little letter, or to peruse last month’s journey, read this. Let’s bite into it.
Call to adventure
This one is big and complex and hard to look at directly in the eyes. I left Toronto, just a few days ago, after living there for almost eight years. My heart is feeling very soft and squishy. I’ll keep it brief but know that I’m delighted/pensive/grieving/scared/but somehow doubtless/eager/thrilled for this very apt ‘call to adventure’.
Threshold
Connor Rothe’s “You’re Like Water, I’m Like Glue” painting series. When I first saw these at OCAD I understood that I should relax my gaze, relax my jaw, relax my shoulders, slow my breath. The bottom left painting in particular affected me. I could taste the soft pulse of sun over grass, warm breeze blowing. A bit of the glittery magic feeling that could be God or Mother Nature or both. I’ve been revisiting them in my camera roll to recall and cultivate that feeling.
Guide
re: leaving home—this Didion essay, Notes From A Native Daughter. Joan speaks of growing up in, and then leaving, her beloved Sacramento Valley in California. Swimming in the rich and almost unutterable understanding you can have of a place you call home. Thank you to Georgia for sending this to me when I needed it most.
Temptations
These gorgeous creamy mohair silks and yarns from the Hand Maiden & Fleece Artist. They’ve been spinning and dyeing all their yarns naturally out of Halifax since 1978. I have visions of beet-dyeing their angora kid mohair an angelic pink hue and knitting up the World’s Softest Cardigan.
Revelation
This video essay by Madisyn Brown titled ‘the crunch-ificiation of conservatism: how the "granola" lifestyle got a right-wing rebrand’. She dissects the politics of the pursuit of health + wellness as it relates to individualism, misinformation and authoritarianism in the U.S./North America. Highly enjoyable and extremely pertinent.
Transformation
Back on the run. I took an extended Winter break after my last marathon because running wasn’t fun anymore. Learned: if something that was once fun, is no longer, you don’t have to do it! My injuries have since healed, the weather is slowly warming, and I’m ready to amble through the trails at a zone 2 pace and gently reconnect with my body. In my headphones: Sasurai by Hako Yamasaki.
Atonement
I have decided that it matters to me a great deal that my underwear are 100% organic cotton. The dozen plain white tees I own should be 100% cotton as well. My socks are cotton and my hats are canvas, my denim is just denim, my sweaters are wool and maybe cashmere if I’m lucky. As I prune my closet this Spring season, I’m thinking long and hard about the textiles on my skin day in and day out, how and where they’re made, and how the longer I go without touching polyester, the more beautiful I feel. I’m not looking to purchase new items for this recalibration, it’s just sitting at the front of my awareness going forward.
Return
As a girl I had a healthy affinity for competition—spelling bees, short story contests, chess tournaments, swim meets, soccer games, triathlons, races of any kind. Gold stars for a job well done and ribbons for a podium placement. I’m delighted to see this thematic thread being pulled on at PFW, NYFW, and beyond this year; it sparks a very specific nostalgia in me. A pride for decorated accomplishment and the glory of a glittery medal. Last year I picked up this Rose String in Copenhagen, which I have been pinning to my lapel like a first place dressage horse.
Thank you for joining me, the self-described hero, through this April journey. I hope you find several small sources of unexpected joy and pleasure in the coming weeks. Drink water eat fruits. Until next month,
Home is where the heart & cou cou cotton underwear is 🩷
The unbeatable sexiness of a plain white tee